Betty ford says i'm here all night
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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