its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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