I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
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The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
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& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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