I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
