roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
