You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
this is an emotional support booty call
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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