a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
