I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize