We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
