I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Just puked most of my soul out..
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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