I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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