somebody snuck up and got me drunk
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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