she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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