Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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