Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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