During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Randomize
