You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
