Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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