I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
