Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
