I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
