Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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