I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
