Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
