I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
