that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
