The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
