i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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