new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Send help, water and tortillas.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
