he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
