Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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