Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
