Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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