You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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