I'm really into asian looking animals
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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