I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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