i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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