They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
