i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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