Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
