I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
