I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
she told me i tasted like america
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
