I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
