I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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