if i can run in heels then i can drive
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
