Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
