i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
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He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
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Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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