three words: i give head
three words: not that well
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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