You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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