I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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