I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
