Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
