if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
