apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
