Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
