I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
