life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
