I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
