a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
