We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
