Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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