Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
