I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
