she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i drank out of a bidet.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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