I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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