I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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