What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
