Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
