she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
