You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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