I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
