Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
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