i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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