I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
