Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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