Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
