peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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