If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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