I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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