With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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