she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
