My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
