i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
