I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
