Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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